Black Butterfly

Why black? I don't even know.

Black represents me. And like a black butterfly, they're thinking that I am a useless and creepy earthling. For a lingering black butterfly will bring death and when it lands on you, will bring misfortune.

I wish I was dead.

Long Distance

The harder part of growing-up is falling in love. But the hardest part is falling for someone who is miles away from you.


Trust is the foundation of this kind of relationship, yet it is always tested by time and the fact of being apart. Some people say it's easy, some say it reveals a person's heart. I swear, absence can kill. Loyalty is the only thing that makes it last but how can you be loyal if you can't actually trust yourself? Is it because of the thing they call fear? Or somehow part of your insecurities?


All I really want is to be with him but he's so far. All I can do right now is to wait. I know things would never be the same again, yet, I can't teach my heart to forget about this guy. I'm running out of things to do just to get him off my mind.


Each night I pray for the strength that I need to face this test of time.


I never noticed I've fallen this deep. I've fallen deeply in-love with that guy. I just can't find ways to let go of something that has never started.


Thursday, 07/14/11, 1:53am

Covetous...

Parsimonious. 

That's what they are. We cannot change them. It's their nature. They always have rapacious desire, especially for wealth or possessions. Having excessive desire for material things is excruciatingly bad. They would do anything just to get what they want. Shockingly wicked!

Always bear in mind that material things are FUTILE. You may be able to get everything you want but those things are very unimportant, worthless, useless, and very unsatisfactory. 

Utterly Foolish

My cousin made me laugh. The last time we saw each other was way back when we were in grade 2. So... We were both 8 that time. As you can see, the first question that he asked was "Ilan na ang boyfriend mo?" Instead of asking "Kumusta?" I don't know how to answer that question. It was a wall post so I was thinking that my mom would be able to read our conversation. I tried to answer him through chat but I had to think twice. I was just trying to be canny this time. Then I answered, "hahahahaha. bawal pa, ayaw pa ni mama."

"ganon ba?o takot ka lang sa lalaki?hahaha" he replied.

Damn. I don't know how to answer such absurd question. Then I tried to change the topic by asking about his job and what so ever. Urgh... He was always asking silly questions that I could hardly answer directly and all I have to do is to open another topic though. 

Finally, he popped and said... "Couz, out na ako. Ingat na lang lagi."

I actually had series of relationships, rather series of illegal relationships but only two were serious: my 1st boyfriend; and the one I recently broke up with. haha. Funny. I also experienced being a 'third-party'- while also committed with other guy. It was like playing hide-and-seek. I broke up with my boyfriend and also with my 'boylet' to clean my conscience. But after a month, my boyfriend asked for another chance. Fine. I gave him another chance but then I easily broke up with him because of my unfaithfulness... (For the second time). I met another guy and fell deeply with him. Yeah, I know it was my fault but who would actually love someone who only knows how to drink and smoke? Someone who don't even care about his appearance or grooming and even his personal hygiene? Someone who don't even know how to clean their house or even sweep their dusty floor? He was the worst guy I've ever had. F*cking truth! Ridiculous!

Anguish of A Wounded Heart

"If you really love him, you have to set him free."

So I let him go. I tried to move on and i tried to live my life like nothing happened. But there's always been this constant longing. The pain is still here. I wish that he is here but he's a thousand miles away. All I can do is to beg God to give me courage for me to be able to face all these hardships. I hope and I pray for this anguish to vanish like the frost that vanishes easily when the sun comes out.

'Social Climbers,etc.'

I hate social climbers. You can always see them in the mall. Wearing stinky ukay dresses or apparels with matching fake 'Gucci' or 'D&G' shades and sloppy wedges (also from their favorite 'All items 50Php' ukay store) just to show off. Wait. Don't forget their terrible dangling earings and bangles!

Then after a couple of hours of strolling, they'll dine in a fast-food chain and will try their very best to pronounce 'chicken fillet' or 'burger' but will end up saying 'checken fellet' or 'bor-gir'.

Another thing that I hate about them... They're always trying hard to speak in English. I know, I know. I'm not even good in English but their case is different. :)

They should bear in mind that being real is better than being a person who attempts to gain admission into a group with a higher social standing.

It's always good to be TRUE.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011 at 2:11am

My Ideal Man

Here's a post that I googled long ago (haha) about finding Mr. Right:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,

or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares 
and how lucky he is to have YOU...

The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her... UNKNOWN

Here's my IDEAL MAN ♥

He doesn't have to be good looking but not ugly.

He doesn't have to be tall but must be taller than me.

He doesn't have to be just smart but intellectual.

He must have a good sense of humor.

He must have the courage to face my parents.

He must be diligent.

He must be patient.

He must be a music lover.

Someone who knows how to listen.

Someone who is rational.

Someone who cares.

Someone who has a deep personality.

Someone who has the voice and not just someone who knows how to sing.

Someone who plays musical intruments and must be willing to teach me.

Someone who is willing to share his life with me, including his secrets.

Someone who is willing to accept my imperfections.

Someone who is willing to understand my mood swings.

Someone who will teach me how to love, not someone who will teach me how to lie.

Someone who will never let me down.

Someone who will never be a man of promises but a man of deeds.

Someone who will never kiss me when I'm drunk.

Someone who will not just give me a good life but someone who will assure me of security.

Someone who will exert effort just to be with me.

Someone who will never ever leave me alone.

Someone who will catch me when I fall.

Someone who will stand up for me forever.

Someone who will be here through it all.

Someome who will remain loyal to me come what may.

And above all, faithful to God.

These are just part of my  so called fantasies, but if YOU are really existing, kindly submit your resume with your 1x1 whole body picture and a copy of your transcript of records. Walk-in applicants are welcome to apply. hahahahahahahah

♥♥♥♥♥

Baking

I really miss baking. I was blessed to be the top student in Culinary Arts class and had the privilege to teach my classmates about the techniques and procedures in baking pastries. Baking has been my passion and I really enjoyed sharing my ideas with them.

I once dreamed of being a pastry chef. Pastry includes a wide variety of baked products high in fat, including puffs and some types of cookies, cakes, and yeast products.

That dream turned out to be just a dream. Anyway, I want to share this recipe with you. Make sure to follow the procedures ok!

CHOCOLATE CHIFFON CAKE

2 ¼ cup cake flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 cup sugar (for flour mixture)

1 tbsp cocoa

1 cup vegetable oil

10 medium size egg

10 medium size egg yolk or 3/4 cups

1 1/2 cup water

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup sugar (beaten egg whites)

1 tsp cream of tartar

Procedure:

1. Sift together, flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, sugar and cocoa.

2. Put flour mixture in mixing bowl. Mix well and add in order oil egg yolks, water and vanilla.

3. Beat with spoon until smooth.

4. Pass through sieve to ensure mixture is lump free. Set aside.

5. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar in large bowl until frothy, gradually add sugar and beat until stiff peaks are formed. Peaks should be wet not dry.

6. Pour egg yolk mixture in thin streams over entire surface of egg whites, gently cut and fold with rubber scrapper.

7. Pour gently, bringing scrapper across the bottom of the bowl, the side and over.

8. Baking time- 45 minutes to one hour

9. Pans: 10x1 tube pan and 14x10x25 rectangular pan

Another Letter from Mavhek

Note: Pagpasensyahan mo na ‘tong ka “Yeck-yeckan” ko ah! (Silent Y! hihi). Sinulatan kita kasi I’m saving my saliva eh… hehe

Xenxa na sa sulat kong lumiliit pag tagal. Cute naman yung sumusulat eh! Kaya pagtyagaan mo na!

HAVE A NICE DAY TODAY!

Kahit pansamantalang di tayo magsasama! Bwehehehehehehehehehehehehe

-kapag my sorrows ka ulit, just wear your gorgeous smile ok!?

            Oist! Xenxa na! Baka d me muna makapaghang-out w/ you. Dami ko kcng aasikasuhin. Baka d me muna makapakinig sa iyong mga novels?? Ay kwento pala!

            Sinasabi ko ‘to para di ka ma-offend pag di ko nale-lend ang ears ko habang nagasalita ka dib a? at least nasabi ko. Save mo muna yang mga thrilling and exciting stories nio ni Yeck, tapos pag di na me busy, pede mo nang ipasak sa’kin lahat ok?!! Hehe… la  lang.

            Aral ka ah! Magpapas kc me ng SA (Statement of Account) ko tsaka gagawin ko pa yung assignments ko sa nakakadurog utak na logic kaya yun nga… D me muna makakasama sa mga hang-outs mo… Pass me muna ngayon… Bawi me pag may time! PROMISE!!!

                                                                                                               Ang iyong magandang friend,

                                                                                                               Marivic

A Letter from Mavhek

Hey friend!!! I really appreciate your letters!! Your so good to me. You give me advices to motivate myself, do the right thing and move on… I’m happy that your always here especially when ‘m worn out!... And like you, you can count on me always! I’m not a gossiper so you don’t have to worry..hehe..I will listen no matter how long your story will be or it is all about Thedric, Robb, or kay Jeffrey kaya??!! Hehe [ang haba ng hair mo!!!] I wish you and Thedric will last 4ever!![kung di lang komplikado no? PWEDE!!] hehe la lang… And for me… ang ma wi wish ko lang para sa sarili ko e… bumalik sana an dati kong ganda upang makapang-akit uli…. Bweheheh!!!

Oist! Sorry kung medyo late na ‘tong sulat ko?? I hope you appreciate its message….[if ever na may sense nga tong mensahe ko ah!]

                                                                                                                                    Your cute friend,

                                                                                                                                     Chaozi

“Loving someone gives you the tendency to forget friendship for it’s no longer your priority. But someday when the love is gone, you will come looking for it again.”

…Indeed one of the most memorable letters I’ve ever received from a friend. This letter was given to me by Marivic T. Rosales in 2006 when I was deeply in loved with someone mentioned in her letter.

I just got home...

One thirty something in the morning and it's already July 2. I just got home from work. I finished the redemption booth but I am not satisfied with the outcome. They shouldn't expect much. I just used my resourcefulness in order to create that dreaded booth that looked like an altar lacking of candles and saints. Awful! Haha. They should've provided the materials but they only bought a long fuchsia ribbon for the dead.


On my way home, thank God I was beside the driver. Two intoxicated men stepped in and started their non-sense conversation like as if they were fighting. That conversation finally ended when one of them knocked like as if there's no tomorrow and uttered a bad word. Terrible. I thought something bad is going to happen.


Apart from being exhausted, I am starving and my head started to ache this much.What more can I ask for? tsk!

Horrendous!

First day of July. I'm starting to think that it's not my day. Yeah, first day of July and it's raining this hard. I hate it! I don't want my chucks to get wet and become sloppy. But I have to go to work and do those things again. Oh no. Again, I have to deal with other people's atrocious behavior. I want to ask myself... Is it still a matter of choice or a matter of fate?


Sooner or later I'll be out of that cage. Yeah. That would be the biggest and bravest decision ever.

The story behind the ring...

Marami ang nagtataka kung bakit until now treasured pa rin ang sing-sing na bigay ni Yec (my ex) sa'kin nung first monthsary namin (January 05, 2006). That was the first ever gift that I received from him and aside from that, siya pa lang ang guy na nakapagbigay sa'kin ng ring. Nung binigay niya sa'kin yun, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang feeling. Here's the story behind everything:


Three o'clock. Break time na! Ang saya ko kasi first monthsary namin... Pero mula nang pumasok kami sa classroom hindi pa kami nag-uusap. Kahit smile wala. Naisip ko tuloy na baka nakalimutan niya or galit siya sa'kin. Bakit nga kaya? Kinuha ko ang snack sa bag ko and niyaya na siya kumain. Di ako pinansin! Oh my! Galit nga kaya? Isang classmate ang nagsabi sa'kin.


"Monthsary niyo pala ngayon eh..." 


Nakalimutan siguro niya. Ang lungkot... :( 


Nainis ako. Binato ko sa kanya yung snack na hawak ko. 


"Oh, kumain ka mag-isa mo..."


Dahil sa inis, umakyat ako sa 3rd floor ng building at umupo sa may corridor. Then after few minutes umakyat din siya. Akala ko aawayin niya ako. Dala niya yung snack. Akala ko babatuhin ako, akala ko gagantihan ako. Akala, akala, AKALA. 




What's wrong with that guy? Naguguluhan ako. May kinuha siya sa bulsa niya. Nakalagay sa box. Kung di ako nagkakamali, pinapikit niya ako bago niya kunin sa bulsa. Pagdilat ng mata ko, nakita ko na may hawak siyang sing-sing. Sabi niya yung kamay ko daw. Nahiya ako, sabi ko ayoko. Ayoko naman na madisappoint siya at isipin na ayaw ko tanggapin yung ring. Nagfit sa daliri ko. 

Bukod sa sing-sing, may letter din siya na binigay sa'kin...



Jesley,


HAPPY 1 MONTH!!!


Thanks for the patience you gave to me... I love yah!!! Just to keep in touch and I wish that more years will come to our lives...


Keep this simple present into your heart as a symbol of true love. Wag mo yang iwawala dahiil kung sakaling magkahiwalay atyo then magkita uli tayo, yan ang una kong hahanapin sa'yo.


Salamat uli sa lahat at sana next month masaya uli tayo...

I LOVE YOU PO!!!

Hindi na ako umaasa. Pero tinatago ko pa rin yung ring kasi memorable at importante yun para sa'kin. ♪

So hard

Too much pain can cause death. I miss that guy. I wish he's here beside me. I want to hear his voice. I want to touch his hands and feel his embrace.


I MISS HIM SO MUCH!


This song is for you ♥